Slow
Here’s what I realize: I’m slow. And I’ve always been slow, though I didn’t cop to it when I was younger. Younger than the 55 I am now. Now I not only notice it, but I accept it. Physically slow; that is, I move slowly. I remember in elementary school lying about how quickly I ran “the 50” or some such race. And when I moved to Washington, DC 7 years ago, I decided to practice going downstairs quickly, the way other people seemed to be able to do. To really fly downstairs, tumble down vertically, find a rhythm that would let me slide down seamlessly. So I’ve practiced for 7 years and not gotten any quicker; I’m still slow, still take each step as seriously as the next.
Today I helped a friend move from one house to another. I was OK being there, wanted to help, but I was slow. He didn’t comment — nothing like that — but I could feel myself moving slowly through space. Not because I’m so deliberate, though I’m rather deliberate, but because my body just isn’t built for speed. I don’t have speedy muscles, even though I can move fast enough on an elliptical trainer or some such machines. I wade through air. I’m not wiry, or spry; I don’t have fast metabolism; I don’t dart; I can’t really pounce.
At work, when I come in the mornings, wearing my sunhat and shades, people comment how laid back I look, especially to the other rushing government workers around the place. I stroll. I’m slow. They think I’m just being chill. Which isn’t a bad thing, and they seem to trust me because of it. Because I can walk with them, and talk with them.
On the other hand, when people comment on how laid back I am, I’ve always laughed and commented back that they can’t see that inside I’m moving faster than the speed of light, making tracks, one fast processor. It’s not a bad trade off, being fast on the inside and slow outisde, except that internal cognitive speed doesn’t seem to burn off calories. If it did, I’d be as lean and fast as Michael Phelps. But I’m not; I may be a cheetah on the inside but I’m-pure dog paddle for all the world to see.
Mira in Cambodia. Time for this one to grow up. Let’s see what happens.
